Friday, July 21
Same Angel - Brand new diary (My promise to help others in need)
Cigarettes: 7 (quite good)
Weight: approaching 7 stone rapidly (poor, owing to recovering mental state)
Prescription drugs taken in last 24 hours: 40mg diazepam (valium) I am a writer for christ's sake. Well - at least am not taking illegal substances
Hours devoted to Bridget Jones Diary: 7 research essential
Physical attacks from the good citizens of Carlisle: 1
Displaced bulbs from city flower bed as a result: several
Have recently been horrified at some of the I-am-superior-to-you-because-I-was-born-free-from-genetic-disorder attitudes I have been subjected to via vile obscene usually badly composed e-mails and comments on various web-site.
The truth is, I haven't been well, and made the mistake of voicing my feelings to one of those "If-I-see-you-again-WILL-shoot" so called friends. "COCAINE!" I heard her cry, "NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!" she yelled almost euphorically. Anyways, one thing led to another and before I knew it I had a torrent of concerned friends, ex-friends, so-called-friends and even a documentary maker all trying to get in contact, the majority (no doubt) with a pre-concealed camera ready to catch me injecting class A drugs or being incarcerated in the nearest secure mental hospital.
I am as it happens recovering from a small (by previous standards) but equally unpleasant mental breakdown. Nothing a few valium won't sort out surely.... kitty said. Anyone who's a fan of Little Britain may find that last "target reference" just a tad amusing. I obviously use the word "amusing" loosely....
Mental note: purchase fire arm that would fit into handbag, glove pocket and ex-friend/agent's arce.
"MY PROMISE TO RAISE AWARENESS" - Angel
'Each year at least 500 children and teenagers in the UK take their own lives because they are unhappy with their own body; many have Gender Identity Disorder and/or an Eating Disorder'
"It has come to my attention that almost all my supportive fan-mail around the time of my NEWS OF THE WORLD debacle and even now, were from people who have been affected by similar issues. These issues are not limited to intersexed genetic disorders but moreover: depression.
Therefore, this site WILL aim to provide comfort, inspiration and hope to other children, teens and adults who are in need, suffering or alone. I will try to provide as much help and inspiration to those affected by depression, THE BIGGEST KILLER IN BRITAIN.
I feel the best way to do this is offer my story in as honest and inspiring way as positive way as possible and to forge a comprehensive links page to self help web-sites dealing with a wide range of issues. Everyone deserves to be happy.
In the field of intersex and transsexual children, I am so sensitive to your pain; please seek treatment before you reach your teens. Ask for help. If you don't have friends (I didn't) or family, please contact me. You can forge a life for yourself however bad things may seem. I was seconds from death at 15 after attempting suicide. I thought there was no hope. If you read my online diary you will know that I have good days and bad days and life continues to throw unpleasant things at me ; but I am happy and am so glad I was saved and eventually released from my unbearable wish to end my life.
If I could save one life through helping or inspiring someone to seek help it would make my whole life worth living"